put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
