how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
