he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You made out with two different species that night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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