I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
