Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
