make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
