Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize