guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
