i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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