The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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