He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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