apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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