dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
