She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
