just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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