Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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