worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
