I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
