I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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