She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
