Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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