This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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