wanna go halves on a baby?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
