so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
