am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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