we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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