it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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