It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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