When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
