five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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