At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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