there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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