i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
