8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
