I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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