Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
