I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
