Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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