she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
