i barfeds in our rink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
