We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
