dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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