we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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