I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
