A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
