if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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