We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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