I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
