No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
