I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
too bad you live with your parents still
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize