oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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