Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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