At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
