Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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