oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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