i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
