i just had sex bonerless
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
