I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
as a side note pls kill me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
