Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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